


Gay

by Pigsinspace



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 07:55:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14930252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigsinspace/pseuds/Pigsinspace
Summary: Mickey is closed off and Ian wants to help free him. This is set after the club kiss but before Mickey comes out at the bar.





	Gay

**Author's Note:**

> I never liked the idea of Mickey first saying the words "I'm gay" at the bar to his dad. It was too painful of a thought. Coming out is a different experience for everyone but for me it was too hurtful to think that he came out for the first time like that. I wanted him to say those words first in a more loving place. He deserved that. 
> 
> As a homo myself, this one was important to me. It brought me peace. And the timing seemed right - HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE!  
> \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GAY (adjective):  
1\. (of a person, especially a man) homosexual.  
2\. lighthearted and carefree.

Mickey had been doing great with their relationship (or whatever the hell it was) ever since Ian got back from his stint in the Army. Ian could tell Mickey was really trying and he knew, or at least he was pretty sure, that the reason he was trying was because he had feelings for Ian. Still, sometimes he wanted more for Mickey. He was so closed off. Ian knew why he was like that; Mickey had been so hurt and so wounded that the only thing he could do was lock everything away as deep and as hidden as he could. Ian wanted to help him, but he had to be patient. Admittedly, not his strongest trait.

By now, Mickey and Ian were basically living together. They were mostly over at Mickey's, since his piece of shit dad was, not surprisingly, locked up. They could fuck anytime they wanted, which was all the time. Ian got to see flashes of Mickey opening up. Ian could tell Mickey was trying to push through being closed off and he had made huge gains. Like recently Mickey had kissed him in public. Sure, it was a gay bar but public nonetheless. Mickey was more open and connected than Ian had ever seen him be before. However, Ian could still feel Mickey was hiding parts of himself away. Ian felt the next step to help Mickey was to get him to say words. Say things out loud. It wasn’t healthy not to, right?

They fell asleep after a night of fantastic fucking. So, the usual. The next morning, they woke up with Ian wrapped around Mickey, just as they'd done so many mornings before. Mickey got up, slipped on boxers, and went to pee. When he came back to their room, Ian did the same routine- stood up, boxers on, bathroom to pee. He came back and Mickey was sitting on the edge of the bed getting dressed. Ian leaned down and kissed him. He still couldn’t believe that Mickey let him do that sometimes.

Ian paused, looking at Mickey. He decided now was as good of a time as any to try and help him. He sat down next to Mickey on the bed. “I’m so gay for your lips, for your cock, and I am really, really gay for your ass. That ass is insane.”

“Um, ok Gallagher.” Mickey seemed confused by what Ian was on about. "You know how I know I’m gay?" No response- but he could feel Mickey’s body starting to tense with the use of _that_ word. In spite of the tension, Ian felt he needed to push forward. “I know I’m gay because I love kissing you. I know I'm gay because I love sucking you off. I know I'm gay because I love fucking you.” Ian paused, deciding if he should push forward or not. For Mickey, he decided to push. “Don’t you like that stuff too, Mick?” 

Mickey’s jaw was clenched and his body was completely rigid now. He realized what Ian was doing. “Stop.” 

"Come on Mick. Just say it. It isn’t bad. It’s just you and me."

“Shut the fuck up.” But Ian continued, “Come on. Just Say it. There’s nothing wrong with you or with it. It’s ok.” Mickey stood up off the bed. “Fuck off Gallagher. Shut the fuck up.” 

Ian stood too. “Mickey- it’s ok. It’s just me.” Mickey pushed him back. “Fucking stop. I mean it. You need to back the fuck off.” Mickey looked angry but, at the same time, his eyes were begging Ian to stop. He had given Ian so much already: They fucked, they hung out, they pretty much lived together. Why does he need more? Why is he so fucking selfish and greedy? Why does he need to hear him say some stupid fucking words?

Ian walked towards Mickey as Mickey backed up away from him. Mickey was suddenly, literally, backed against the wall. He was starting to breathe fast. Fear and dread coursing through his body. He was panicking. Mickey’s hands involuntarily clenched into fists. 

Ian took his face in his hands gently. “Mick…”, he whispered, looking into his deep blue eyes. “You’re gay for me too. And it’s ok. You can say it. I know you can.” Mickey shoved Ian hard, making him fall back. “Get the fuck off me! Fuck you, you fucking prick! Fuck you!” He turned and bolted out the door.

He found his way to his favorite “safe” spot. Those abandoned buildings had never let him down. He sat there throwing rocks at glass bottles, loving the sound of them shattering. Fuck Ian. Fucking piece of shit. Why did he always have to fucking push?

Mickey knew Ian was right- about everything. He knew he was gay. He knew he was gay for Ian. He even knew that he loved Ian. And there isn’t anything gayer than that. He loved Ian’s sweet puppy dog smile. He loved Ian’s body. He loved his strong arms. Plus, he really loved Ian’s dick. Again, really gay. But more than anything, he loved Ian’s heart and he loved how Ian loved him. No one had ever loved or maybe even liked him before Ian. And Ian loved him so fully and so completely. Ian deserved the words that he was asking to hear. Mickey just didn’t know if he could give them to him.

Ian knew enough to give Mickey his space. As much as he wanted to go find him at those buildings (he was sure that’s where he was), he needed to wait for him to come back. So he sat alone in their room with just his anxious thoughts. He was worried that he had done irreparable harm to the man he loved. He was worried that this time he went too far. That what he did had accomplished the exact opposite of what he wanted; that he had pushed Mickey further inside. That he had made Mickey lock and hide things so deep that he wouldn’t come back from it.

As Mickey continued throwing rocks and shattering bottles, a dark and lonely sorrow overtook his body. Why couldn’t he just tell Ian what he wanted to hear? What the fuck was wrong with him? He loved Ian and he was gay. Why couldn’t he get those fucking words out? He was a coward. He had let Terry win; he was a pure and pathetic product of his old man. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing Ian again, but he really wasn’t sure that he was able to give this to Ian.

He felt a tear run down his face as he thought about possibly losing Ian again over his inability to fucking be normal. He couldn’t lose him again. He just couldn’t. He decided that, though he wasn’t sure he could do it, he had to try. He had to get back to Ian and try.

Mickey found Ian in their bedroom, pacing anxiously. Ian had been worried. Worried that he broke Mickey like Mickey had been broken so many times before. Ian came walking towards Mickey. “I’m sorry Mick. I really am. I thought I was helping but I was hurting you. You’ve done so much for me and come so far. I shouldn’t have pushed. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry.”

Mickey looked into Ian’s caring eyes. He took a deep breath. “I know what I am, you know.” He cradled Mickey’s face in his hands. “Mick- it’s ok. We’re ok. You don’t have to say shit. It’s ok. I was wrong to push on this.”

Mickey took a breath in, readying himself to say it. “I’m…I’m…” Fuck, why couldn’t he fucking just say it? “Mick- stop. You don’t have to do this. Everything’s ok. You give me enough. You’re enough, I promise.”

“Gay. I’m gay, Ian. And I’m gay for you.” His eyes welled with tears but the tears weren’t sad. They were tears of relief. Something happened inside of Mickey when he said those words out loud. It was as though all his walls came crashing down at once. He was free. Ian wiped the tears from his cheek and then wrapped his arms around Mickey, just holding him. He stroked the back of Mickey’s head and kissed the top of his head. He kissed his forehead, his wet cheeks and then placed a peck on Mickey’s lips.

Mickey kissed Ian and the kissed was full of all the things that he couldn’t give him before: attachment, openness, love. Mickey placed his hand around the back of Ian’s head and kept kissing him. And kept kissing him. And kept kissing him as he backed Ian up to the bed. 

The back of Ian’s legs hit the bed and Mickey took off Ian’s shirt while Ian took down his pants and boxers. Mickey took off his clothes and then took Ian’s hand. Mickey got on the bed and gently pulled Ian on too. He kept kissing him. This was his Ian and his alone to kiss. Mickey’s lips were soft but determined. Determined to make Ian know that Ian was it for him. Ian was worth it all.

"Ian" Mickey whispered. It wasn’t “Army”, or “tough guy’, or even “Gallagher”. It was “Ian” and Ian knew what it meant. It meant “my love”. Ian laid on top of Mickey because he knew Mickey needed to feel his weight on him to make him feel safe, secure, and connected. 

Ian kissed Mickey and started to grind down on his cock. He reached over and grabbed the lube. He coated two fingers and pushed one into Mickey slowly. Ian moved his finger in and out and then added another one. It was so gentle and loving. He got up to three fingers and then he felt Mickey grind up against him harder. He looked down at Mickey’s face: his face was flushed, his lips parted, and those deep blue eyes were letting him know that he was ready. He needed to be one with Ian.

Ian slicked up his cock and pushed at Mickey’s entrance. He felt Mickey’s legs wrap around his back. Ian guided his cock into him and started to move. It was overwhelming but in the best way. Never had sex felt like this, for either of them: so complete, so emotional. They kept looking into each other’s eyes as Mickey wrapped his arms around Ian’s back. Mickey was kissing into Ian’s neck, up his jaw, and then to his mouth.

Ian picked up the pace. Mickey was panting and Ian could feel the bursts of warm air against his lips. Soft, breathless pants escaped Mickey’s lips as Ian continued to push in and out of him. Mickey gripped onto Ian’s back muscles: Closer, he needed him closer.

Ian leaned in to kiss Mickey as Mickey now dug his fingers into Ian’s back. “Ian,” he said again and Ian, again, heard what was intended: “my love”. He could tell by Mickey’s breath that he was getting close. He pushed in a little harder and hit Mickey’s sweet spot. “Yes, yes. I’m close, Ian. Don’t stop. Please.” Ian kept rocking into him- hard, deep, steady. He felt Mickey’s back arch up off the bed, heard a loud moan, and felt the warmth burst onto his stomach. He pushed in a couple more times and came inside Mickey shortly after.

They laid there, connected, not moving for a few minutes. Ian placed sweet kissed all over Mickey’s face. Then, he pulled out and rolled over next to Mickey.

“I was scared that I hurt you and that you were gone. I was scared that I made things worse for you. I’m just so glad you came home, Mick.” Mickey turned over on his side, grabbing Ian’s arms and wrapping them around him. Mickey laid there being held by Ian for a minute. Then he took Ian’s hand and kissed it and then kissed Ian. “You’re my home, Ian.” Ian hugged him even tighter and kissed him again. They rolled over onto their sides and fell asleep; Ian the big spoon and Mickey the little spoon. They slept - lighthearted and carefree.


End file.
